I Never Feel Magic Unless I Am With You

New Years with my best friend!

So I haven't written a blog post in some time. I think it's hard to keep up a blog about acting if you feel you aren't working at the moment. And by feel I mean... am not working at the moment. Which is fine. Currently I am playing the role of bubbly, let me upsell till I have no soul left server scrapping for tables at a new restaurant. Life is on hold. And I am finally feeling that mid-twenties panic that causes people to settle down pre-maturely and marry the wrong people and start pumping out babies because "oh my god I'm gonna die someday my clock is ticking here you're mildly attractive lets live happily ever after I guess." Not that I'd ever do it but working with a bunch of 19 year olds for the first time I really felt OLD. Which is scary. Especially in a business that values youth and beauty so much. I'm not saying I'm used up yet. But I can see it on the horizon.

Along with increasing anxiety is the fact that I talk to myself a lot more. I was never one for talking to myself. Maybe cursing if a bee was chasing me but not exactly having a conversation with the little demon. But now I find myself in my car just commenting on the world around me....to myself. "Eff yeah taco bell!!" I exclaim as I pull into the drive-thru. Or I tell myself "Well, that sucked." I'm starting to think I really need some human companions instead of mostly dogs. Having three dogs  lends oneself to getting used to one sided conversations.

My other job is substitute teaching. You feel like a sleep-deprived, mid-twenties loser shadow of a person. At least elementary school kids "see" you. I might as well be a cardboard cutout of their teacher with a fake smile plastered on my face. I wear the same clothes every day. My hair is pulled back all of the time. I can't afford days off. I feel like a shell of someone who just a few months ago was kicking ass in a musical and connecting with audience members and adoring life. I was wondering when the post-show depression would kick in. Well, christmas is over folks. 

I am positive though. Just thought I'd share this experience. I know you have felt this. I know those of you not even in the arts have felt or are feeling this. I know it will get better. These periods of not-work really make you savor and appreciate the periods of omg I'm working and not only that I'm doing GOOD work. All I want to do now is not panic to pay my bills. That'd be a nice bonus. Then I could go see some Philly theater I've been dying to see. I need to see David Ingram on stage. That has to happen. So any donations would be generously accepted. Thanks in advance!


And here's some further proof that the only thing Daisy loves more than lounging on the couch is being photographed being ridiculously adorable:

My girl.

Tryin' To Get Up That Great Big Hill Of Hope

My family. (I had to ask my brother to put a shirt on so this is a rare photo)

So yesterday I turned 25, which means this song is even more relevant to me. I had a low-key birthday but I was touched by all of the comments, texts, and phone calls I received. I am a very lucky girl.

Laughing so hard I am crying. The best.

 I've had a lot of time to think to myself and reflect and overall I am so grateful for the experiences of this past year. This has been a year of learning. I've accomplished a lot of mini-goals I have set for myself and I am proud of how far I've come. It's hard to think that way though when you have about 15 dollars in your bank account. I know it's a temporary situation but it's scary. Like... panic attack scary. It's something that maybe most people don't like to talk about, but that's my life right now. But I wouldn't trade this year for anything. I accomplished quite a few things off of my 25 before 25 list. I landed a "part" (a few I'd even go so far as to say...!) I got myself a website, wrote more, fell in love, drank moonshine, taught and really felt confident that I've made a difference in some kids' lives. I also explored some more of the country, made some incredible friends and pushed myself as a performer. Maybe 25 was an ambitious number of accomplishments, but I think putting those things out in the universe helped me get to where I am. I think it's a good practice to lay your goals out as a road map for where you want to go next. So I've been thinking about what I want to see myself accomplish before *gasp* 26. These aren't in any particular order of importance.

1. I want to become less attached to objects. Mainly clothes. I admit that shopping is a hobby of mine and although I always try to find bargains, I really don't need any more clothes. It is something I enjoy but I need to learn to live with less and be happy.

2. I want to be more proactive about auditions and marketing myself. New headshots are going to happen soon. They have to. And I think getting some business cards and also offering my services as an audition coach for high school kids. I enjoy doing it and it might be a way to make some extra money. If only I could play piano better I could offer some voice coaching too!!

3. I want to be out of my parents house.

4. I want to move to NYC or Chicago. (goes along with 3)

5. I want to land a job in a state I've never been to before.

6. I want to play Suzy Simpson again.

7. Get that tattoo!

8. Touch a Great White Shark (hey, it's on every one of my lists. Maybe positive thinking works and you'll all be jealous!)

Wine and Good Friends. What else do you need?

These poor puppies!

Cute parentals.

Dad

Siblings at Birthday Dinner

I Got Bronchitis...Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!

So as the title suggest, I got bronchitis. Not exactly the most wonderful thing to happen before closing weekend of a show with 30ish songs. BUT I am lucky that I am feeling much better. Still some chest pain and congestion but I have yet *knock on wood* to have a coughing fit onstage and I'm able *knock more on wood* to get through my big numbers. So instead of focusing on the negative I've been focusing on the positive. I've almost made it through a run of a show that seemed nearly impossible at the start. I went from being overwhelmed by this amount of music to being able to sing it in my sleep (literally). I feel so comfortable in my own skin and with the ladies I get to share the stage with.

Also, the other day the girls and I did an auditioning workshop at a local high school. The students were auditioning for their school's production of Pippin. Pippin was my first musical in High School. I was lucky enough to be cast in the ensemble as a freshman, which was a feat in and of itself. Then the girl playing Fastrada started to not show up for rehearsals. The director approached me and asked if I would sing her parts in rehearsals. Innocent enough, right? And it was fun. Then she started having me come to blocking rehearsals for that character, and eventually she said they'd probably give me one performance in the role. WHAT!? I was on top of the world. Then this girl drop-kicked another girl in the face into a locker and was suspended from school. I remember two upper-classmen boys coming up to me and hugging me and saying, "Do you know what this means?" I was like... "Yeah, I'm gonna play the part and this girl is gonna beat the shit out of me." I'm not gonna lie I was a little nervous about the repercussions. But I had a lead(ish) role as a freshman and my senior boyfriend (who I was CRAZY in love with. Emphasis on crazy) was playing my husband, Charlemagne. I was on cloud fricken nine. Looking back, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing but I had the time of my life. And it was because of luck. And because I'm a reliable actor. So workshopping these auditions for these kids who want to be in this show so badly brought a lot of that back, and also made me really see just how far I've come from that eager, know-nothing freshman in that purple-sequined dress to the actor I am today. Of course I'm still learning. Of course I'm really just starting my professional career. But it was really cool to be able to pass on some of what I've experienced to high schoolers with some of the same dreams and doubts as I had.


[ I wrote this last week but didn't have time/internet access to upload it. Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!]

Trip to Owego

#nofilter

Opening Performance Cookie Cake!

A funny moment in rehearsal,

The director and I being silly.

I have a friend!

Audition Workshop Action!

Thank You And Goodnight!

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me

Not gonna lie, that crown feels GOOD.

Mr. Lee!

So I've successfully completed two weekends of The Marvelous Wonderettes and it has been an absolute blast getting to play around onstage in cute blue dresses 4 nights a week! The audience seems to really enjoy it and every show is different. Lots of moments for improvising within my character which I think is the most fun and my favorite thing to do. The other night I definitely licked some icing off of some poor girl's cupcake wrapper. Well hey, she shouldn't have left it within the reach of me! Other fun moments include me forgetting to wear my underwear onstage (ooops), Genevieve completely surprising me and bopping me on the nose while singing to me, and (spoiler alert) picking up my gum off the floor only to find a big ole hair on it. And eating it. Nom nom nom! Seriously all of the hard work of rehearsal is really paying off now. I can relax and feel confident that I know the steps and the notes and focus on telling the story and just PLAY! The other night I noticed things that each of my three cast mates were doing in the show that absolutely cracked me up. I wasn't able to notice before because I was in my little world of "oh my god I hope I'm doing this right." Now I am finally comfortable and can't wait for what shenanigans the last two weeks of the run have in store. I'm also mentally preparing myself to get a day job so I don't starve. I'm preparing to not beat myself up for not having anything booked right now. I'm preparing to tell myself, "hey, just because you're waiting tables and/or substitute teaching and/or baristaing right now doesn't mean the success you've had this past year and a half doesn't count. It doesn't mean you aren't finally hitting your stride and it doesn't mean all that positive self-talk you've finally been able to give yourself goes down the toilet. It's just a moment to pause, reflect, get some money in your bank account and get your ass to NYC." (If I'm feeling down you all have to redirect me to those statements I just made. Thanks in advance. Yay friends!)

Moley Mole Moleeee!

Sexy.

Goooo Chipmunks!!

Jamas after broadway night at the bar.

L-O-V-E That Spells Love!

   Sorry it has been so long since my last update. I'm currently sitting in the house at Cider Mill Playhouse in Endicott, NY before rehearsal for The Marvelous Wonderettes. Let me tell you this show is a MOTHER to rehearse. I'm having the time of my life but working my little chipmunk tail off trying to remember all of my inner harmonies and dance steps!! The character I'm playing (Suzy) is super fun and I've instantly formed a bond with my cast mates. Good thing, since there are only 4 people in the cast! I've also had lots of new experiences, like having to chew gum on stage and blow bubbles successfully, which I haven't been able to do in my first 24 years of life. It has been weird to chew gum during rehearsal (it feels so wrong) and I won't lie... I'm still not great at it. I've bitten my lip several times to the point of bleeding because, well, I am truly special. Or as my director would say, "cuz you're dumb." The director and cast have such a great relationship even thought we have so much work to do it feels like a safe and crazy fun environment all the time. And the people who run this theater are absolute SWEETHEARTS and work SO HARD. I know how lucky I am to have that. Counting my stars this month fo sho.

I haven't had very much access to the Internet in these past few weeks, which is at times annoying but may be a blessing in disguise. I've had to actually talk to and get to know my roommates with my downtime. Amazing, right? I'm so excited to be doing a musical comedy again. That's where my roots are and where I feel the most "in it" if that makes any sense. I've learned so much already and as we go into our final 10 days of rehearsal I know I will learn so much more. This has been a joy already and I don't mind being poor to do it. Plus, poor is a great diet! Anyway, today is about prepping my brain and my body for blocking act II and finalizing choices to be able to start running the show successfully. YAY! GOOOO CHIPMUNKS!

Our orangey home away from home for these two months.

We're on da sign!

This is what we look like walking to a Saturday am rehearsal. Love these girlies.

This theater looks like a barn from the outside and is connected to a cider mill. ALL THE FALLNESS. LOVE IT.

So...this happened.

One of the only times I get a hot second to sit down during this mutha of a show.

There are purple trees here, y'all.

I like turtles...

The theme to this rehearsal process.

I Love You All

It's hard to believe that there's only one performances of Steel Magnolias left! I've had such a great time in this fantastic little town. Everyone here is wonderful and I honestly feel like every night I get to grace the stage with the other fabulous 5 women in the cast is a Master class. (Geez that's a mouthful to say.) They are all so different and powerful in their own way. It makes me proud to be counted among them. And the audience here seems to really appreciate the work we are all doing. It's not always glamorous. The audience sometimes gets up in the middle of the show and walks right in front of you to use the bathroom. Sometimes there are people who have been to every performance and say the lines along with you or in most cases, before you can even get to them. But hey, in this "business of show" as Tobias Funke would say, there are all kinds of challenges and you have to rise to the occasion. And I love every single minute of my job. It's going to be hard to leave Great Plains but I know I will leave behind friendships with some awesome people and an experience I will never forget. On to the next

adventure in Philly!

Photos by Doug Nuttleman, Great Plains Theatre 2013

Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

I've been here in Abilene for 5 days now and I'm having an awesome experience already. The women in the cast are RIDICULOUSly amazing and I am so lucky to be sharing the stage with them. Everyone on the creative team is as nice and supportive and talented as I thought they'd be! It sure is a whirlwind to rehearse and mount a show in ten days but every day I feel like I personally am making big strides in getting to where I want to be for the performances. So, good stuff is happening. Yay! I am really enjoying the rehearsal process (even if I'm EXHAUSTED at the end of the day) but I am also excited for when we open and we have free time during the day to explore the city. There seem to be a lot of cool little shops and antique stores around here. I also have some auditions to prep for and a Shakespeare monologue to memorize for one but I can't put the cart before the horse. We open a week from tonight!!

The castle! a.k.a. Great Plains!

This guy was making really good time on his laps. I was impressed.

Statue scared the crap out of me when I walked by. I'm assuming this is Ike Eisenhower.

Downtime at our first rehearsal.

Surprise cake for Jimilee's Birthday!

My chair!