|New Years with my best friend!|
Along with increasing anxiety is the fact that I talk to myself a lot more. I was never one for talking to myself. Maybe cursing if a bee was chasing me but not exactly having a conversation with the little demon. But now I find myself in my car just commenting on the world around me....to myself. "Eff yeah taco bell!!" I exclaim as I pull into the drive-thru. Or I tell myself "Well, that sucked." I'm starting to think I really need some human companions instead of mostly dogs. Having three dogs lends oneself to getting used to one sided conversations.
My other job is substitute teaching. You feel like a sleep-deprived, mid-twenties loser shadow of a person. At least elementary school kids "see" you. I might as well be a cardboard cutout of their teacher with a fake smile plastered on my face. I wear the same clothes every day. My hair is pulled back all of the time. I can't afford days off. I feel like a shell of someone who just a few months ago was kicking ass in a musical and connecting with audience members and adoring life. I was wondering when the post-show depression would kick in. Well, christmas is over folks.
I am positive though. Just thought I'd share this experience. I know you have felt this. I know those of you not even in the arts have felt or are feeling this. I know it will get better. These periods of not-work really make you savor and appreciate the periods of omg I'm working and not only that I'm doing GOOD work. All I want to do now is not panic to pay my bills. That'd be a nice bonus. Then I could go see some Philly theater I've been dying to see. I need to see David Ingram on stage. That has to happen. So any donations would be generously accepted. Thanks in advance!
And here's some further proof that the only thing Daisy loves more than lounging on the couch is being photographed being ridiculously adorable: