This Is How It Works

One of my awesome Playmaking students rocking my swag.

    So Summer Theatre Academy is in it's second week now and it is exhausting yet gratifying work. I do however, feel burnt out and anxious. I'm leaving here so soon and I feel very torn. I spent so much time not feeling comfortable here and being homesick, and now with a few weeks left I am dreading leaving. I like having employment. I love having these friends and feeling like I could be part of a little community. I like these kids. I love having my own apartment. It's going to be very hard to leave. A good friend of mine told me that I have to focus on the positives waiting for me back home or I will drive myself crazy. It's easier said than done. No matter if I went or stayed, I would miss out on or lose something. I do miss my family and my puppies. I miss my few friends still at home. But living at home isn't easy when you're a young adult, and our house is very small for five grown adults and three VERY grown (fat) doggies. I know home is the best place to be for what I want to do. I want to dive back into the Philly theatre scene. I have to start getting myself to New York and save money and live at home as long as my parents will have me. I just never expected to fall in love with this place. Sure it's not perfect and I still get lonely and whatnot, but that's anywhere: that's life. I'm sure I have great experiences awaiting me back east, I just needed to share how I feel. This is (hopefully) the first of many times I will have to leave a place just as soon as it felt like home.

Alexander Lie Down. YES.

    But alas, the actor's life for me. It's worth it. Here's an example of why I need to keep pursuing this. I've  had one male high-school student in my project and in one of my classes for almost two weeks now. He is a fantastic singer with this great tenor voice and is very expressive and energetic. He's a smart kid. But for some reason his words get all mushed up in his mouth when he speaks. I have him in my Voice and Diction class, and I was repeatedly telling him to over-accentuate his articulation, but no real audible change was happening. He has a major part in our project and is barely understandable. It was puzzling. But today in class he was working on his Spoon River poem and I had a suspicion that his problem was with placement and using his facial mask as his primary resonator to get the words out. I really don't know what I'm doing, but I had him place his fingers on the sides of his nose on his cheek bones and had him really over-do it with the nasal resonance. He started to speak and the other students who were sitting in the back of the auditorium. "Wow." One even said. It was amazing to see that I could help someone who wants to pursue professional acting change a habit that was really going to hold them back from working. It was a really nice moment. I know I'm not the best teacher, but I am learning, and it was really special that I had a part in this young actor's growth. I know my voice and speech teachers have changed me forever as a performer and I'm forever thankful. I only hope I can be half as impactful as they were.

So yeah, I guess that's why I have to go on to bigger and better things. I'm not finished learning. I'm not finished discovering. I can't stay in one place, as safe as it feels. I have to take some risks and live my life. Wish me luck.

My kids trying to get out of a knot. This was chaotic to say the least.

This wouldn't be my blog without some dog pics! Introducing Salvador Dogi, everyone!

Me and lil Sal and/or Bambi.

Home is Wherever I'm With You

    It has recently come to my attention that I will be moving back home in about 40 days and leaving this year in Arkansas behind. And you know what? Several months ago I couldn't wait to leave. But now I know I'm going to be a little more than heartbroken. Something has happened in the past several months. I guess it takes this long to get close to people in a new place, but I feel like I'm just getting comfortable.. with living alone, my job(s), and my friendships. I'm starting to feel like I fit somewhere, and I haven't felt that way since college. Living at home isn't the worst thing in the world. There are things I love about home. But besides my family (roommates) most of the people who made home a place worth living have moved away or have very busy jobs and families of their own. I was not expecting to leave this many people behind that I truly have connections to. And maybe it is only a handful of folks, but I will miss that handful dearly. I know I have things to look forward to at home. Philly theater, NYC trips/auditions, STEEL FREAKING MAGNOLIAS!!!!!! And old, true friends. But as unlikely as it seemed at first I am definitely leaving a piece of my heart here.
In other news, Junior Arts ended and I've gained back my sanity. Teaching at Summer Theater Academy has been a blast. I really enjoy the kids and have been learning tons from the more experienced teachers. Also enjoy my restaurant job. (Whoda thunk?)

Alright, photo catch up:

So adorable when they all sang at once. As soon as the singing was done though chaos ensued.

Seriously the sweetest kid at JA.

Super kids!

The most terrifying child art from Junior Arts. Good luck sleeping tonight.

Some nice friends kept me company while I watched Oliver at Arkansas Shakes!

Amurrica. Little Rock.

Not gonna try to explain this. But it will haunt me for a long time.

Also today I re-read all of my earlier posts and one quote of mine from my very first post stuck out to me. Going to attempt to take my own advice:

" But I do have faith that once I am settled and throw myself into the work and am reminded once again of why I chose this path (because it makes life worth it) I will start to get myself together."

Yankee's Back

So what's new? Well, I went on an adventure back to the Garden State to spend a whopping day and a half with my family and puppies before hitting the road with my dad to bring my car back to Arkansas. The visit was far too short, but at the same time it feels good to be out in the world doing things. Home is something I know I will always have to come back to (and I will be moving in shortly, so I better hope I'm still welcome!) but as scary and lonely as it is a lot of the time, I know I need to keep on truckin with this whole acting-and-pursuing-happiness-in-my-own-life type deal. 

Sometimes it's real hard. But overall it's worth the uphill climb. I think. Ask me in a few days when I'm curled in the fetal position on my oh-so-short lunch break away from the hundred something 5-9 year olds I'm teaching/directing/trying to not strangle. (kidding!) Last week was eight 45-minute acting-movement classes. This week I will be working in two 4-hour blocks with both of my performance groups. I wrote a 5 minute "play" (it's more of a modge-podge performance) for the younger group and a 10 minute PLAY (I wrote stage directions and everything! Also, it may or may not have been inspired by Mike Birbiglia) for the older group. I'm hoping it all goes smoothly and there are no tears shed over parts when I assign them tomorrow. I'm still pretty uncomfortable around crying children. I've made several cry so far. I swear it wasn't my fault!! Kids are just a lot to handle, but I hope I can at least inspire/teach/reach out to 1 out of 100.

I think Daisy missed me.

Joey and I had no idea. Did you?

Boys watching tv on the couch.

It was so hard to leave those little furry faces.

Second day of school outfit. I love getting away with dressing like a kindergardner.

Peachy Keen, Jellybean

     I apologize for the almost month-long silence over here on the blog. I was completely overwhelmed with James And The Giant Peach. I loved my character and enjoyed being a physical, comedic actor, but I would lie if I said the rehearsal process and performance schedule wasn't taxing. It absolutely was.   I had bruises all over my body (still do, actually) and allergies and fatigue had affected my voice. It probably wasn't too noticeable and I'm probably being too hard on myself but I hate feeling like I'm doing less-than-my-best work. Sometimes (most of the time) you don't get the luxury of an understudy and a day of rest and you have to push through two-show days, rude audiences on their cell phones, and illness running rampant through the cast. But I really did love it overall. Now that I've had some time away from it I definitely miss it. I know the kids in the show had a great experience too and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them. The sad truth is that I don't know when I will be doing a musical comedy again. It might be a long time. (I hope not!) So I'm glad I stayed as positive as I could and that this show has me filled with great memories.

 (Above photos by the lovely Heather Canterbury)

For now I am focusing on teaching kiddos, which will occupy my entire summer. I have a class right now of five 7-8 year-olds and they are a lot to handle, I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to handle about a hundred more! But they are sweet kids and it makes me happy knowing I am helping them gain confidence in themselves and guiding them to be creative little people. I have a few more weeks before I'm full-time teaching, so I really have to find some things to do to keep my occupied. Should I clean my apartment? Of course. Am I going to? Very unlikely. Hopefully I will get some bike time in before the weather is so unbearable that biking would be suicide. Arkansas summer, I am not prepared for you in the least. Have pity on this poor Jersey girl.

Here are some recent off-stage moments.

I took far too many pictures of myself as the worm. I might have been a little obsessed.

On his big 3-0 Jeremy arrived to the green room to find a pretty wonderful birthday cake made by the boy playing James. Biggest sweethearts ever, both of them.

Accurate Centipede cake with 42 (not 100) pairs of boots, dragon flesh (well aged, not fresh), a beetle with just a splash of vinegar, and noodles made from poodles on a slice of garden hose.

The old-people bugs.

The insects.

Ex-Billy Goats drinking Goats do Roam wine.

Just a quick catch up

 Currently:

 Anticipating...  I'm really excited that James and The Giant Peach is coming together and really anticipating when we can start running the show in it's entirety and watch all the magical elements come to life. Trying to do it on a bare stage with no "peach" has been fun but I think the whole play will change drastically when we have the full set.

Reading... How To Be A Working Actor - Mari Lyn Henry & Lynne Rogers

 Relieved About... I'm crazy relieved that I have a restaurant job for supplemental income to get me through the break between contracts coming up. I'm relieved there was a mistake on my income taxes and I don't have to pay estimated for next year. I still get anxious and stressed but I've been trying to stay grounded.

Watching... Just finished watching The Extra Man, which I enjoyed very much. Watching Kevin Kline perform is like sitting in on a master class. I've also been catching up on Arrested Development in anticipation of the new season starting in May!

 Craving... Primo's water ice and ice cream. Nothing I've tasted anywhere in the country compares to the little ice cream stand in my home town.

And now a little photo catch-up:

View from my grandparents back patio.

Splash Mountain with Mom!

American Idol Experience.

Aren't my Grandparents adorable?

Things I Learned On Tour

The picture isn't blurry, that's just what the sunrise looks like when you're up that early.

So Friday was my last day of touring for this season and I am very happy to be done that part of my job. It was rewarding but exhausting and I'm ready for a few days of rest and a trip to visit my Mom and Grandparents before tackling James And The Giant Peach. (Which I am super pumped for!!)
So I made this list and I thought I'd share with you some things I learned on tour.

SOME THINGS I LEARNED ON TOUR:

1. If a line in the play is "Y'all like stories?" a child sitting front and center WILL scream out at the top of his lungs, "I LIKE TRANSFORMERS!!!" and proceed to make you crack up for the next ten minutes while you are trying in vain to go on with your lines and stay in character.

2. Signing autographs will probably never get old. I was that kid when I was little and I remember how much it meant to me.

3. Finding a comfortable way to nap in a captains chair that does not recline in the van is a talent and a skill.

4. Throw pillows are wonderful travel companions.

5. A Styrofoam cooler might not be great for the environment, but it is a luxury in the van.

6. I will never perform for a tougher audience than middle school aged kids who were clearly too cool and too old to see these weird actor people dance around and sing like idiots. It felt like doing a play in front of my graduating class of high school. I'm talking nightmare material, people. But if I can confront those demons with as much grace as I can, then I can do anything.

7. The calories in Pop Tarts, Starbucks Frappe Drinks, and Doritos absolutely do not count while on tour.

8. Trying to maintain gas station etiquette when you are clearly in there just to pee. My tip is to just look like a hot damn mess and nobody will approach you. Check!

9. Some 11 year old boy might start a fight and cry in the audience (that's 3 feet away from you) because he wasn't picked to come on-stage and act like a chicken for about 30 seconds.

10. I've learned what NOT to send my child to school wearing. (Particularly, I would not dress up my obese daughter in a light purple Cookie Monster shirt with the word NOM emblazoned on it paired with sweatpants the color of said Muppet. Just SINFUL.)

11. As tough as this is, I still love it and want to do it again. And again. And again.

Looking Forward

Hi there! It always feels good when I actually have time to update y'all on here. This week is my last week on tour!!! Next I will be working on James and The Giant Peach so my hours will be far more consistent and I will most likely have a little more down time. With this being the last stretch of tour, I am excited to give my poor back muscles a break and prepare for the end of the season. I actually got to thinking about all of the stuff I have to look forward to that will also keep me going this week.

Things I'm Looking Forward To (To distract myself from my 6:15am call for the next two days):

- Nicer weather that means more bike rides, walks, and runs around my apartment and downtown.

- More time to read! I bought a ton of plays at the library's used book sale last week and I am determined to actually read them instead of allow them to gather dust on my shelf until I dust them off again for a future student (hopefully).

- The farmers market will be back soon!! So excited to be able to get fresh, locally grown produce just a few blocks away and not rely on Walmart for my produce. (It felt a little sad just typing that fact.)

- Hopefully being better with my money and making a little bit more in the coming months.

- Booked my first REAL role (I mentioned I wanted to do this on my 25 before 25 list!!!) so that is happening in September and I'm floored.

- Getting more calls/emails about work. (Just had to put that out into the universe. Who knows? It might work!)

- I'm going to be teaching improv and acting this summer, and I am excited for the opportunity to grow as a teaching artist. I want to become better and learn from the kids as much as they will hopefully learn from me. I've already begun to do this with my improv class this semester but I know I am still very green. I fully plan on being a theater teacher down the road and I want to get as much experience as possible. Probably reading some more books probably wouldn't hurt.


Okay. Enough of my blabbering. Here's some photos to update you on the past couple of weeks:

Proof I was on the Rock N Roll Highway.

Shoes I was so close to thrifting. Definite regret.

Another thrift store find I left behind. This stein combines two of my loves, beer and owls. GO TEMPLE!

I did however take home this awesome tin of 70s metal coasters. It's kind of a weird thing to collect, but now I have 2 sets of coasters from that era. (Ignore the fact that I don't actually use them for my drinks)

A lot of times the best part of my day is just hanging out with Sinovia in her office.

This cat ran into the school we were loading into and Garrett had to grab it and take it outside. The cat kept trying to evade him and get in during our load in!

It was cold. Poor Kitteh!

I know New Jersey has farms, but I've never seen this much livestock out in my life in any other state I've travelled to so far. I freak out like a little kid when I see anything with four legs outside the van window.

Passed this little store several times this season while on tour.

Not gonna miss this view. 5 am call time comes very early!

It's cool when your friends let you borrow their dogs. Reminds me of home.